The journey to PhD submission

Sarah is a Teaching Fellow in Modern British History at the University of Birmingham. She is a historian of youth in post-war Britain, focusing on culture, identity, sexuality, and regulation, and oral history. She recently submitted her PhD thesis titled ‘Unspectacular Youth? Evening Leisure Space and Youth Culture in Sheffield, c.1960- c.1989’ at the University of Sheffield, where she also studied her MA and BA. 

It’s September, which marks the start of a new academic year. Many people will be at the exciting, although admittedly daunting, stage of starting their PhDs. Others will be in the final stages, often frantically trying to submit before funding runs out. Others will be somewhere in the middle, (hopefully) feeling like they’ve got a grasp on their research but (probably) feeling like they’ve still got a mountain to climb.

I submitted my PhD two months ago. I have yet to have my viva, so the process is by no means over, but I am now in a position to reflect on the process of writing it. This post will focus on the final months and weeks of writing my PhD because the feelings are still fresh, but I hope what follows will be helpful to those at any stage of their academic journey. 

A lot of the time I didn’t like it. And that’s ok.

I didn’t always enjoy writing my PhD. In fact, I would say it made me miserable a lot of the time. It was often a never-ending source of uncertainty and anxiety, and my relationship with it was quite often volatile. In the course of a few hours I could go from feeling like I had just had a real breakthrough, to not knowing how I was ever going to get it finished, to feeling like it was too late for me to salvage anything worthwhile. Going from extreme to extreme is exhausting. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that it was ok not to enjoy the PhD, and that not enjoying writing it did not make me a lesser candidate than my peers. In the final months, as the pressure (mostly from myself) mounted, I learned to take the good with the bad, and to relish every small victory. Paragraph re-edited? Success! Bibliography updated? Success! I turned the thesis into a series of small and achievable tasks, and this certainly helped me feel less overwhelmed. However, on the days when I did feel completely overwhelmed and didn’t achieve what I wanted- and there were often days when I achieved nothing- I had to remind myself that it was ok. The PhD is really bloody hard. 

Motivation

I was not prepared for struggling with my motivation in the final months. When I started my PhD I saw my colleagues preparing for submission and they were often working, or so it seemed, with a relentless drive and energy. I am sure this is the experience for a lot of people; after all, we all get our motivation in different ways. But it was not my experience. After working for so long, but still feeling like I had a long way to go, I was often bored. I would drag myself to the office and intermittently stare at my thesis, while refreshing Twitter. I knew it had to get done, but some days I had very little desire to be proactive about this. I can’t really offer any gems of advice about this other than it will get done, eventually. Perhaps I found the expectation and the reality of finishing my PhD jarring; I was often bored, when I expected to be excited.

Waiting

I was incredibly fortunate to have supervisors who read a final draft of my PhD from cover to cover. Their comments and suggestions in the final weeks were incredibly helpful, and went some way to easing my terror before I submitted. However, after the rush of ‘final’ submission- finalising footnotes and the bibliography, ordering the contents page, writing the abstract, reading and re-reading every chapter- I had to wait. Again, my reality was jarring with my expectation. I had expected the final weeks to be a flurry of activity. In reality, I submitted what I hoped would be the final draft to my supervisors, and I waited. I found this very difficult. I was often frustrated, and feeling like I should be doing something productive while I waited for feedback and final changes. I’m not a patient person at the best of times, so this period was a real challenge for me. However, I was also exhausted. I could have started the draft of an article I’d been meaning to write. I could have submitted more job applications. I could have done plenty of ‘productive’ things, but I had no energy left. In all honesty, I slept a lot. I watched some bad TV. I re-read what I had submitted in search of elusive typos. While I found this period difficult, I would recommend submitting a finalised draft where possible. It may sound like an obvious piece of advice, but when the finish line is so close the temptation to rush to submission can be tempting. In hindsight, I am glad I took the extra few weeks to get the final comments on my thesis.

Pride

Submitting the PhD was a strange anti-climax. I submitted it online, and it was done. I had hoped for something more ceremonious. A fanfare by a group of trumpeteers as I pressed ‘submit’, perhaps? Picking up the the hard copy did feel more exciting. After almost four years I held my manuscript in my hand and my hard work was represented in physical form. I submitted the hard copy, received a sticker (not quite a fanfare, but I took it nonetheless) and that was that. I was incredibly proud of myself that day. Doing a PhD often means that you are surrounded by other people doing PhDs, or who have done PhDs. It often means that many of the people you know have already done, or will soon be doing, what you have done. Do not let this take away from the sense of pride you should feel when you do finally submit. Writing a PhD is an extraordinary achievement. As I await my viva, this is what I remind myself of.