My feelings in the build up to starting my PhD

In less than a week I will be officially starting my PhD journey. I register on the 4^th October, and subsequently the hard work will then begin. I’ve already had those doubtful moments where I feel like I should have started preparing for it. It’s silly really, because over the past year I’ve been ‘preparing’ for my PhD via my Masters. Also, I really did deserve some time off after handing in my MA diss, as it drained every ounce of energy from me. But, typical of me, I still convince myself that I should have started the PhD in my ‘break’…

In all honesty, I feel a bit odd currently. I’ve been waiting for what feels like such a long time to start my PhD (ever since sixth form days, to be exact!) and it feels weird to think that I’m actually about to embark on this final degree chapter. There’s a mix of emotions. I feel excited, scared, anxious, and happy to finally be able to say that I’m on with my PhD. Once I register, I genuinely don’t know where I’m going to begin. Thankfully, I’ve realised that this is a common feeling from what has been posted on this very blog by some (fab) guest contributors. Rosie has an excellent post about how there isn’t a right way to start a PhD here. It’s a really useful piece of advice, because it’s just so true and relatable. I guess I’ll just have to figure it out on my own, and I’m certain it will all start to fall into place once I get into a routine, touch base with my supervisor and just start the work. We all have to start somewhere – even if that somewhere is unclear – and it will hopefully start to make sense as time creeps forward.

I’ve noticed that I’ve already started having those impostor feelings. I think it’s because I’m about to start such a huge thing, and with any major event, it’s easy to start getting pre nerves and jitters. And nerves always tends to be accompanied with panic doubts: am I good enough to start a PhD? Have I prepared enough in my MA? Where on earth do I begin? Should I be more knowledgeable than what I am currently before I start? And so on… Whilst I don’t think these impostor feelings will ever fully dissolve, I do believe that in time I will start to come into my own and feel more confident in my capabilities. After all, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to pursue a PhD if I wasn’t capable, and it’s important for you, the reader, to remind yourself of this too. All I can do is put in the effort and work hard, and that’s what I plan to do. 

Emily x 

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Reflecting on my MA experience

Considering that I founded Let’s Talk Academia at the beginning of my MA, I thought I’d write a post reflecting on my MA experience now that I have finished it. I’m going to talk about things I’ve learned, things I want to do differently in my next academic chapter (i.e. the PhD), things I’ve enjoyed and the parts that I haven’t enjoyed.

Some people say that it’s beneficial to take a year out at some point in between higher education. That was never the plan but, naturally, sometimes life has a different course of action for you. I ended up taking a year out after my undergrad (although I was meant to go straight onto a PhD, but it didn’t really happen). I then thankfully acquired 1+3 funding, meaning that I would be starting my MA in the new academic year. In all honesty, I think the gap year put me back a step at the start of my Masters – my writing was so rusty and with that came a weird self-doubt phase. But I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and if I didn’t take that year out I wouldn’t have got the funding that is so precious and rare these days. But nevertheless, it was difficult to get back into ‘the game’ when it came to writing my first few essays. If I could turn back time, I would have utilised that year out to keep on writing academically, as I certainly underestimated how much a year away can affect academic writing. Even now that I’ve got a month off before I start my PhD, I’m still wary of taking time out of writing!! A gap year certainly wasn’t for me in terms of the strain it had on my academic skills, but that’s my own personal experience and I’m sure for others it would work wonders. I’d recommend, though, that if you do take a gap year, ensure that you still tap into the subject that you’re going to pursue after your time away – don’t neglect it completely.

Without meaning to sound super negative and dreary in this post, I’ve not had the most amazing MA experience. From start to finish, there has always been something negative that interfered and prevented me from having an enjoyable experience. Basically, it has been a tough year – with personal life things and the MA course being generally lack lustre (which I’m regretful to admit). In large part, it was an incredibly isolating time – I ended up moving back to my home city because I was paying a ridiculous amount of rent for on-campus accommodation when I had literally zero hour contact time! By the end of first term, I was a distance student and had literally no postgrad people around me. Even if I had stayed on campus, I would have still been in the same isolating predicament! So I thought it was more worthwhile to save money, come home and be surrounded by my partner and family instead. Thankfully, at least my supervisor is great and was always a great source of encouragement! I produced some more in depth advice about being a distance student here if you're interested. 

However, whilst overall I’d say the MA wasn’t the most exhilarating time of my life, I definitely learned a hell of a lot – both in terms of my own personal approach to academic learning/writing, and of the subject area in general. I’m so lucky and grateful to have received a 1+3 funding award, because the MA is then viewed as a time to really prepare for your PhD and get to know your research area in depth. I utilised my MA to read as much relevant material as possible which would put me in good stead for when I do start my PhD. I’d advise that if you do want to pursue a PhD after an MA, try to cater for the research area you’re interested in and write essays on topics within that area – depending on how flexible your MA modules are, of course! One of the only good attributes of my MA course was that it was incredibly flexible and I was able to pursue my research interests (relevant to my PhD) in each of my assignments.

In terms of my own personal approach to academic learning, I definitely realised that working effectively is a trial and error process. Sometimes it just takes time to figure out how best we work, and that’s ok. As my supervisor helpfully says, in academia – especially early on in our academic career – we’re learning to learn, which means that it genuinely is a long process to get to grips with what the effective ways to learn are for us. I’ve realised that environments are key to my productivity. If I work in one particular place at all times, my concentration begins to stall and I begin to feel less motivated and inspired. I know I say this all of the time, but it really is important to switch up your work environments from time to time. A further helpful habit that I got into when I was in the editing process of my papers and dissertation, was that I edited my work on paper. So I’d print my drafts and read them on paper, rather than on the computer – for some reason, I just felt like I could edit better this way as I spend hours writing on my laptop and sometimes it’s more difficult to see mistakes. When I read my drafts on paper, away from my laptop, I tend to spot more errors. Just a random tip for anyone out there that is perhaps wanting to discover new ways to edit!

I’ve also learned that it’s sometimes counter-productive to put pressure on myself to work the same hours every day. Let’s be honest, some days it’s just impossible to have a productive day – at least, for me it is anyway. Don’t force yourself to work when you’re just not ‘feeling it’, because your work will probably suffer for it. Just take a break and go back to it with a fresh mind and, therefore, a fresh pair of eyes. We just need to be real with ourselves and accept that we can’t be ridiculously productive every single day. I’ve also realised that work-life balance is something that should be taken seriously. It’s important not only for productivity, but also for our own wellbeing. Admittedly, I need to get better at it around deadlines and the PhD will be a perfect opportunity to put what I preach into practise.

Overall, the MA has been a huge learning curve and it has been far from an easy ride. There has been elements that I have enjoyed, like having the freedom to create my own hours and work wherever I want and, of course, learning more about the research area that I’m going to continue to pursue. But I have also had insight into the dark side of independent research: the loneliness and isolation. I’m going to make an effort to feel less alone in my PhD and to just embrace the experience and try and not get too stressed like I did with my MA dissertation (where possible, obvs). Whenever the challenges of academic research and writing force themselves to the surface, I’m going to make sure I remember that I’m passionate about my research proposal and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else. Bring on my next chapter: hello, PhD! 

Emily x 

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In conversation with... Dr Emily Winter

Emily Winter recently finished her PhD at Lancaster University. She now works as a Research Associate exploring the values of the so-called iGen on a joint project between Lancaster and Stanford University. In today's interview, we talk about preparing for a viva, PhD advice, breaking into the academic job market/ post-PhD life and life lessons. Follow Emily on Twitter: @EmilyRWinter 

Firstly, congratulations on completing your PhD recently and for passing your viva! Looking back on your PhD journey, what would you say has been one of the most rewarding parts of doing a PhD?

There have been so many things that I’ve found rewarding. I’ve met some amazing people through my department, through the wider Lancaster postgraduate community, and at conferences.  I also loved being able to interview so many interesting people for my thesis, and learn from people very different to myself. 

In hindsight, if there is one piece of advice that you wish you could have given to yourself when you started your PhD journey, what would it be?

Trust this messy process.  Inspiration will come, but it will take its time and work in its own mysterious ways.  Grab it went it comes!

Oh, and take intentional away-from-desk breaks, not Facebook breaks.

It would be great to hear a bit about your viva experience. What was it like, did you have a positive or negative experience?

I was amazed to actually really enjoy my viva!  I had wonderful examiners who engaged with my work in the kind of spirit with which I had really hoped my work would be considered.  I’d often avoided talking about my PhD during much of the process, so it was great to be at the point where everything had come together, I knew what I’d done and why, and I felt ready to talk about it. 

Some of the questions I received were challenging, but my examiners had made me feel very comfortable and at-ease, so I knew they weren’t trying to trip me up. 

How did you prepare for your viva and what advice would you give to others that are about to take theirs’?

I read through my thesis armed with post-it notes and I thought a lot about its weaknesses.  A friend lent me a set of viva prompt cards and I used these to become more comfortable talking about my PhD.  I also had a mock viva with one of my supervisors.  The night before, however, I did nothing in preparation beyond eating a nice meal, reading a good book, and getting an early night.

It’s worth also saying that I think there are limits to how much you can prepare.  You can’t really predict the questions, and you’ll probably be surprised by how much your brain has absorbed on the topic through the years spent working on it. 

You were successful in securing a Research Associate position before finishing your PhD, which is totally amazing! What would you say to those that are also wanting to secure an academic job straight after completing their PhD?

I was so lucky to be offered this position by my supervisor and the timing just happened to work out really well for me (despite a tough overlap period).  I’m not really sure what advice to offer, but I would say that I think it’s important to be open to different kinds of positions and opportunities.  This particular research project has taken me in quite a different direction to perhaps what I had envisaged doing after the PhD, in terms of its topic area, but it’s been really rewarding and interesting.  So be open to things that might not look like the ‘perfect project’ for you.

Did you always anticipate progressing into an academic-based job when you were doing your PhD? If so, what were your main fears about entering into the job market after you finished your doctorate?

Like most PhD students, I had a love-hate relationship with academia throughout the process, depending on how the thesis was progressing (or failing to progress), so I wasn’t always sure I wanted to go into academia.  I was really worried, particularly in the final summer before my funding ran out, about finding a job, though this was a more generalised worry about finding any source of income.

And finally, it would be great to finish with your thoughts on what one of your biggest life lessons has been so far in your academic journey?

I feel amazingly privileged to have been able to interview people as part of my job.  I’ve learnt so much about others through this, and about myself, and it’s been hugely rewarding and life-enriching.  The biggest thing I’ve learnt is that people are wonderfully complicated!

I’ve also learnt a lot about what motivates me and how I work best.

Is work good for you?

Photograph: Connor Brook 

Mike Ryder is a PhD student at Lancaster University. His research interests include biopolitics, sovereignty, science fiction and war. He is particularly interested in the intersection between literature and philosophy, and the works of Giorgio Agamben, Gilles Deleuze and Michel Foucault. In today's post, Mike talks about why having a part-time job alongside his PhD is a good combination. Go and have a look at his (fab) personal website: www.mjryder.net and check out his Facebook page. 

When I left my ‘proper job’ in September last year, I thought that was it for employment for the next few years. But as reality kicked in and I realised I needed a) some money and b) some human contact, a part-time job seemed the perfect solution.

But is work really a good idea?

I’ll be honest: my part-time work isn’t particularly challenging – nor is it overly inspiring. But you know what, it’s nice to escape my thesis for a while and think about something else. It’s also nice to meet some ‘real’ people who aren’t either stressed students, or academics who only talk to you in terms of your research.

I have to say I also really enjoy simply going into an office once a week where everyone knows me, everyone is friendly and I can just talk rubbish about the news, people, the weather – whatever!

Work is not for everyone

Of course part-time work is not for everyone. It may be that you can get on financially without work, or that your life is sufficiently social without it. You may also think that work may take up too much of your time and distract you from your research.

But have you ever stopped to take a look at your study patterns and how much you actually achieve each day? From discussions we’ve had here on Let’s Talk Academia, it’s clear that not enough people take the time to think about their working practices and many will simply grind away each day, equating time-spent-at-desk with success.

But as we know, research doesn’t work that way!

Don’t work hard: work smart

In my experience a day off per week, plus a day or so in paid employment leaves me feeling that much fresher to continue my studies in the remainder of the week. Not only that, but it also helps me process all the things I’ve been reading, so when I do work I am more efficient and don’t get anywhere near so stressed as some of my peers.

So yes, I do think work can be good for you. It doesn’t matter if you’re working in a coffee shop, an office, a pub or a bar, a little part-time work can help you take a much needed break from research and remind you that you’re a real person, and that there’s more to life than study-study-study.

And that’s a good thing in my book.